I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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