She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
