Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
