I hate your face
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i dont even know how to be here
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize