So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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