I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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