Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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