She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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