I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
