Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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