she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
