FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
vagina is talking i cant
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
