Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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