Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
