you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
