actually, I'm a sock model
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
