eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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