Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
