I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
