In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
