Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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