Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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