so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
