so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
