I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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