so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
