How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
