please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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