there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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