Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize