Drunk walkin through police station. America
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
