So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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