Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
