I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
