I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
