Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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