I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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