remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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