And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
