For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
