Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
