pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
