Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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