You really coming over, don't trick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
