Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Randomize
