Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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