meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize