I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
