he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
