Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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