My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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