guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
