I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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