non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize