I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
