well I can't set my house on fire every night
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
