A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
