I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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