I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
