i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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