my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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