Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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