Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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