Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize