She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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