My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
